Congrats, friend! You just completed the "What's Your Connection Type" quiz, and that means you're done waiting years for something that should take weeks. You're ready to feel playful, present, and like yourself again - not someday, but starting now.

Your Connection Type is: Lost Myself

Somewhere along the way, “Whatever you want is fine” stopped being easygoing and became...actually, what DO I want? 

You can probably tell me what your partner orders at their favorite restaurant, what your kids will and absolutely will not eat, what your best friend would choose, and exactly which vacation everyone in your family would vote for.

Then someone looks directly at you and asks, “What do YOU want?” and suddenly we have apparently reached the final round of Jeopardy. "I don't know. I'm fine with anything. You pick."

Except...when did you become a woman who doesn't have preferences?

You used to have them.

You had music you wanted to blast in the car, clothes that made you feel ridiculously good, things you wanted to try, and ideas that sounded fun simply because you thought they sounded fun.

Somewhere between building a life, loving people, being responsible, and becoming incredibly good at adjusting to what everyone else needed, you stopped checking in with the woman actually living your life, and it happens in ridiculously tiny ways.

Where do you want to eat?
“Wherever.”

What do you want to do this weekend?
“I don't care.”

What would feel good right now?
“I honestly have no idea.”

Then your partner asks what you want in bed, and suddenly everyone expects you to produce a detailed menu when you haven't even been choosing your own pizza toppings.

Turns Out, This Isn't Just About Your Romantic Relationship...

you may start noticing it in places that have absolutely nothing to do with intimacy.

With your kids... you may know exactly what they like, what they hate, what they want for dinner, what makes them happy, and which microscopic variation of the wrong snack will apparently ruin everyone's life. 

Meanwhile, they ask what you want to do, watch, eat, or listen to and your automatic answer is, “I don't care. You pick.”

You love making them happy. You may have just gotten so good at considering their preferences that yours stopped making the list.

With your family... you may have become the easy one.

You'll eat wherever. You'll come whenever. You'll make it work. You'll take the room nobody else wants, change your plans, and say, “It's fine,” because technically...you can be fine with almost anything.

The problem is that when you spend enough time being easy to accommodate, people can forget there is actually someone there to accommodate.

With your friends... you may be the one who says yes to the restaurant everyone else wants, goes along with the plans, and genuinely has a good time. 

Then one day a friend asks, “Okay, but what do YOU want to do?” and you realize you have spent so much time being flexible that you aren't even sure what your answer is.

You haven't stopped having preferences.

You have just gotten really good at skipping over yours.

That is the part that matters.

You don't need to become selfish, difficult, or suddenly have a strong opinion about absolutely everything.

You just want to be included in the group of people whose wants matter to you.

You may have been trying to start at the wrong end. 

When intimacy starts disappearing, most of us immediately focus on intimacy.

We need more date nights.
I should initiate more.
We need to spice things up.
Why am I never in the mood anymore?

Except sex isn't where your disconnect started, so sex isn't where I would start fixing it.

For Lost Myself, there is an order in which connection comes back:

NOTICE (You start checking with YOU)

Before automatically saying, “Whatever you want,” you pause long enough to ask yourself the question you’ve gotten very good at skipping, "What do I actually want?"

↓

WANTING (Your preferences start getting louder)

You notice what sounds good, what sounds fun, what you’re curious about, what you’re absolutely not interested in, and what makes you think, “Ooooh...I want THAT.”

↓

CHOOSING (You actually let your wants matter)

You pick the restaurant. Wear what makes you feel hot. Say no when you mean no. Ask for what you want. Change your mind. Your preferences stop being information you collect and become something you actually use.

↓

PLAY + PLEASURE (You remember what lights you up)

You try things, get curious, laugh harder, do something wildly unproductive simply because it sounds fun. You stop waiting for someone else to hand you your spark back.

↓

DESIRE (Now you have something to bring into intimacy)

Instead of staring blankly when someone asks what you want, you have wants, preferences, curiosity, and pleasure of your own to bring with you.

You’ve been trying to start at Step 5, so of course trying to spice things up, scheduling sex, buying something sexy, or asking yourself, “What turns me on?” hasn’t magically brought desire back. 

You’ve been asking yourself one of the biggest, “What do you want?” questions before practicing it in all the tiny places first.

For you, we start with noticing, because when you start hearing yourself again, you start wanting. When you start wanting, you start choosing. When you start choosing, pleasure gets a whole lot easier to find, and desire finally has something to work with.

That’s the process behind Reignite.