Congrats, friend! You just completed the "What's Your Connection Type" quiz, and that means you're done waiting years for something that should take weeks. You're ready to feel playful, present, and like yourself again - not someday, but starting now.

Your Connection Type is: Shut Down 

You miss connection. You may even crave it. Then someone gets close…and suddenly you want an exit. 

You can spend the day thinking, "I miss us. We need more time together."

Then you finally get that time, your partner moves closer, and some part of you thinks, "Actually...could you maybe move six inches that way?"

That is what makes Shut Down so confusing.

You can genuinely want connection right up until connection is standing in front of you.

You want the conversation, but when your partner asks what is really going on, “I’m fine” comes flying out of your mouth.

You want affection, but when they reach for you, your body gets a little stiff.

You want to feel closer, but somehow you end up scrolling, doing dishes, going to bed early, or becoming extremely interested in literally anything that gives you somewhere else to put your attention.

The weirdest part is that sometimes you can actually feel yourself pulling away while thinking, "Why am I doing this? I WANT to be close to you."

Turns Out, This Isn't Just About Your Romantic Relationship...

you may start noticing it in places that have absolutely nothing to do with intimacy.

With your kids... you can love being the person they come to and still notice that certain moments make you want to mentally leave the building. 

Your child is upset, frustrated, melting down, or asking you a question you absolutely do not know how to answer, and suddenly you are fixing, distracting, changing the subject, or saying, “You're okay,” when what you really mean is, I have no idea what to do with this right now.

Later, you may wish you had stayed in the moment a little longer instead of trying so hard to make the moment go away.

With your family... you may be remarkably good at keeping things pleasant.

You know which subjects not to bring up, which opinions are easier to keep to yourself, and exactly how to answer “Are you okay?” with a convincing “Yep!” before anyone gets the dangerous idea to ask a follow-up question.

Sometimes keeping the peace means nobody actually knows what is going on with you.

With your friends... you may be the friend everyone tells everything to while somehow revealing surprisingly little about yourself. 

You can listen, advise, laugh, show up, and be genuinely close to someone, but when the conversation turns toward the thing you are struggling with, suddenly, “I'm fine, it's really not a big deal,” makes an appearance.

You want people who really know you, but sometimes you just forget that they cannot know the parts you never let them see.

That is the part that matters.

You aren't disconnected because you don't care.

You may care so deeply that when connection starts feeling complicated, your instinct is to create just enough distance to feel like yourself again.

You may have been trying to start at the wrong end. 

When intimacy starts disappearing, most of us immediately focus on intimacy.

We need more date nights.
I should open up more.
I need to stop pulling away.
Why can't I just let them in?

Except sex isn't where your disconnect started, so sex isn't where I would start fixing it.

For Shut Down, there is an order in which connection comes back:

SPACE (You don't have to disappear)

You can take a minute, have your own reaction, and figure out what you actually think and feel without having to immediately explain, fix, or make everything okay.

↓

HONESTY (You let yourself be known)

“I’m fine” stops doing quite so much heavy lifting. You say the thing you normally swallow, admit what actually bothered you, and let someone see what is really going on.

↓

CLOSENESS (You stay instead of checking out)

A hard conversation, big feeling, or vulnerable moment doesn't automatically send you looking for the nearest emotional exit. You can be close without losing yourself inside the closeness.

↓

PLAY + PLEASURE (Connection starts feeling good)

You laugh harder, linger longer, flirt, touch, kiss, and stop monitoring yourself long enough to actually enjoy the person in front of you.

↓

DESIRE (You want to stay)

Instead of connection feeling like something you want until it arrives, you can let yourself have it once it's actually here.

You’ve been trying to start at Step 5, so forcing more intimacy, scheduling sex, or telling yourself to just relax and stop pulling away hasn't created the connection you're craving.

Wanting closeness was never your problem.

For you, we start by making it possible to be close to someone without having to leave yourself to do it, because when you can stay you while letting someone else in, you don't have to talk yourself into connection.

You get to stay long enough to enjoy it.

That’s the process behind Reignite.